Life is Out of Season

<<set $EndChoiceMade = 1>><<set $choice1 = "She's your best friend.">><<set $choice2 = "It would be a waste of a valuable asset.">>\n\nWhy not?\n\n><<fwd>> <<click $choice1>><<set $FriendPoints += 1>><<set $NumBadClicks = 0>><<playsound "buzzer.mp3" >><<screenShake 800>><<setback>><<timedgoto "Dont care" .8s>><<varClear>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click $choice2>><<set $LogicPoints += 1>><<set $NumBadClicks = 0>><<playsound "buzzer.mp3" >><<screenShake 800>><<setback>><<timedgoto "Dont care" .8s>><<varClear>><</click>>

You go to the jail wing of the Derse Queen's - now Empress's - palace. Unlike the rest of the building, the hallways are painted a relatively bland and institutional shade of purple, a sort of palatinatine mauve.\n\nYou walk. Why hover when you can make ominous and powerful footsounds as you travel? Everyone should be aware a representative of the Empire is approaching.\n\nYou pass the barred windows of door after door, each offering a glimpse of a singular detriment to society. Dersite carapaces, mostly, but a few Prospitans.\n\nThere are three humans in these halls, and you reach a corridor branch that splits three ways, one leading to each of them.\n\n><<fwd>> <<click "Go to Jake's cell.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Go to Roxy's cell." "Go to Roxys cell.">><<set $NumBadClicks = 0>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Go to your father's cell.">><<okBrain>><</click>>

Jake doesn't even understand why you're upset with him. Somehow that is the worst thing of all. He doesn't get it, and he doesn't care. You aren't even surprised he forgot your birthday, because remembering would mean thinking about you at all!\n\nblah blah blah blah.\n\nJake types, and you think, *I can't believe I ever thought I was in love with you.*\n\nMmhmm.\n\nAt your response, Jake continues. He would have continued regardless.\n\nblah blah blah. \n\nblah blah blah blah blah. \n\nblah blah honkeytonky blah.\n\nGreen text scrolls upwards. You don't read it.\n\nMm.\n\nIt doesn't matter. Jake won't notice.\n\nYes.\n\nIf you could stomach talking to Dirk, you'd see about setting up your own Auto-Responder. Not that you would even need that level of sophistication. \n\nThe original AR got bored of talking to you and your friends, and set up a mindless, uncomprehending script so that he doesn't need to read your teenage drama. \n\nMmhmm.\n\nThree conversational options, good for every situation. At least the AR-AR doesn't have a brain to understand how pointless it's existence is.\n\nYou're such a good listener, Jane!\n\nTalking to you always makes me feel better.\n\nYes.\n\n><<fwd>> [[You know who you are.]]

Your hand shaking, you raise the fork from the floor to aim at the centre of the Condesce's torso.\n\noh dats how it is huh\n\nThe Condesce vanishes the matriorb into her inventory and tosses Roxy across the room. \n\nShe faces you, snarling, and takes out her own trident.\n\nlike you think your da first little heiress ive turned to chum\n\nungrateful BITC)-(\n\nstand rite there while i stab u to death\n\n><<fwd>> [[Stand right there while she stabs you to death.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]\n><<fwd>> [[Drop your trident and run.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]

Roxy focusses. A voidy glow, like a lamp emitting shadow rather than light, surrounds her. A dark hole builds between her hands.\n\nShe shuts her eyes.\n\nSpace is not your aspect, but even you can feel the wrongness.\n\nThen. A spark, a flip, and Roxy is holding a grey block with an orange troll horn sticking out from each corner.\n\nshit.\n\nIt's a better attempt than your last --\n\nYou glance briefly over the cell.\n\n-- Five hundred and sixty three.\n\nKeep trying.\n\nya sure\n\ni wonder what non-evil jane would say if she saw all this\n\n.\n\nyeah. "." to the whole sitch \n\nI'll return to check on your progress.\n\nrite \n\nand if its not fast enough, back to jade huh?\n\n.\n\nYou're done here. What will you do next?\n\n><<fwd>> [[Investigate a crime.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]\n><<fwd>> <<click "Visit someone else in prison.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Ask Roxy to help you escape the Condesce's control.">><<okBrain>><</click>>

The Postal Maverick approaches. She gives a quick and wary glance around her, and you duck out of sight as she looks up.\n\nShe slides up to the post. She opens the little door and digs around inside for letters or parcels. When she doesn't find them, she looks very worried.\n\n><<fwd>> <<click "Let her go.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Dog whistle.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> [[Call to Jade.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]

A strange sight in this ungolden world, but not as strange as it was before your native dreamworld was obliterated.\n\nThe approaching carapace has the ratty attire of a refugee, and she hobbles with a lurching, halting gait. A satchel on her back weighs her down with what looks like all the belongings she still has.\n\n><<fwd>> [[Hide.]]

You indicate for Jade to hide. \n\nIn her grimbark state she fits in well with the shadows, but you are garbed in bright, unmissable red. You rise into the air and hover behind a nearby tower.\n\nA [[Prospitan carapace]] walks up the dim alley. You'd be tempted to ignore her as an indigent, but your cybernetically enhanced hearing is picking up Jade's short, strangled "rrrf"s from her hiding spot. \n\nGood girl, staying quiet. But you can trust your doggy daughter to pick out an employee of the postal service, imperially sanctioned or, as in this case, [[not.]]\n\n><<fwd>> [[Wait.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]\n><<fwd>> <<click "Approach.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Enter window of tower.">><<okBrain>><</click>>

Life is Out of Season

You take out your trident and point it at Roxy. You hold your trident. It's aimed at Roxy.\n\nwhatcha waitin for\n\nkrill her\n\n><<fwd>> [[Kill Roxy.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]\n><<fwd>> <<if ($LogicPoints > 0)>> <<click "Don't kill Roxy." "Dont kill Roxy.">><<set $NumBadClicks = 0>><</click>><<else>><<click "Don't kill Roxy.">><<okBrain>><</click>><<endif>>

As you approach the throne, Roxy seeks your eyes. You don't return the look, and you deign to ignore her derisive snort.\n\npink gurl did what i needed her to\n\nso i dont need her around no more\n\n><<fwd>> <<click "What do you mean.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "I don't understand.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> [[.|. - throneroom][$NumBadClicks = 0]]

Your tiaratop notifies you of a message from the boss.\n\nnot bad gurl \n\nyer liddle friend finly coughed up the goods\n\nmeet me in ma throne digs i gotta new task for ya\n\n><<fwd>> [[Go to throne room.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]\n><<fwd>> <<click "Remain where you are.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Try to escape.">><<okBrain>><</click>>

<<if ($JohnType is 1)>><<display "JohnRoxy1">><<endif>><<if ($JohnType is 2)>><<display "JohnRoxy2">><<endif>><<if ($JohnType is 3)>><<display "JohnRoxy3">><<endif>>

There is no need to greet Jade. She has been expecting your presence.\n\nYou touch down silently on the purple cobblestones, but your scent wafts towards her doggy senses.\n\nShe glances at you. Her ears flick impatiently.\n\n<<if ($JohnAppears is 7)>><<display "JohnCrime">>\n<<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Examine Jade to see if there is a way to free her.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<if ($JohnAppears is 7) and ($JohnType is 2)>><<click "Examine the pole Jade found.">><<noping>><</click>><<else>>[[Examine the pole Jade found.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]<<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Ask Jade if she'd like to do something more fun.">><<okBrain>><</click>>

//changes the background colour\n macros["setback"] =\n {\n\n handler: function (place, macroName, params, parser)\n {\n\n\n$("body").toggleClass('alarm');\n\n\n\n // document.body.style.backgroundColor = "red";\n\t\t\t//setTimeout(function () {\n\t\t\t\t//alert();\n\t\t\t\t//document.body.style.backgroundColor = "red";\n\t\t\t//},1200));\n\n }\n\n };

No. I have no reason to want you hurt.\n\nyea...\n\nbut its not about what YOU want anymore is it?\n\n<<if ($JohnAppears is 4)>><<display "JohnRoxy">>\n\n<<endif>>.\n\nAn oppressive environment is bad for employee morale, and bad morale has a detrimental effect on corporate productivity.\n\nwas that a joke?\n\nAs a supreme being of pure evil logic, I don't make jokes.\n\nRoxy spins a box over her knuckles. \n\nnah i think that was a joke\n\ndont forget how many conversations ive had with lil hal before he became a sweaty troll ghost\n\ni can totes tell when an amoral tightassed circuitbutt is gettin in a laff @ me\n\n><<fwd>> <<if ($JohnAppears is 4) and ($JohnType is 2)>><<click "Yes.">><<noping>><</click>><<else>>[[Yes.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]<<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "No.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click ".">><<okBrain>><</click>>

Your brain has exploded.\n\n> [[The end.]]

Your ears pop. Your knees give way, and you collapse onto the floor. \n\nRoxy is above you, running cool hands over your face.\n\nI'm so glad you're okay.\n\nso are you!\n\nWhat?\n\nYou raise a hand to your forehead. \n\nYou touch skin.\n\nWhere--?\n\nnowhere \n\nthats what t voidy thing does rite - unsteals the nonexistence from awful mind control computre hats\n\nShe flops down beside you.\n\nwe're all going to be okay\n\nYou're exhausted, but you force yourself to climb to your feet.\n\nMy dad. And Jake -- oh god, poor Jake. We have to get them out of prison.\n\nthats why you're our leader janey\n\nI'm not... After what I've done, I can't be.\n\nRoxy wraps an arm around your shoulder and walks with you: out of the throneroom, away from the carnage. \n\n& statements like that are also why ur the leader\n\nHmrrph.\n\nyoure right tho. lets go rescue some boyz\n\n> [[The end.][$NumTimesEnded++]]

With a psionically powered thought, your abandoned tiaratop flies itself across the room and attaches itself to Roxy's head. \n\nShe gasps and goes down on one knee, and when she looks up, her skin is stained with red circuitry like a spreading blood infection.\n\nYou test the connection -- making certain the looseness that allowed you to fight for control is tightened in the new release.\n\nAcross the planet, you're aware of your daughter seeking out her companions... and you find you can slip into her mind just as the Condesce did. She's too valuable not to have on your side.\n\n><<fwd>> [[==>|bowing]]

// the screenShake macro. Created by dariusk. Edited by 20hz20khz for Twine 1.4.1. Adapted from Emmanuel Turner's article on creating Twine macros. http://eturnerx.blogspot.com/2012/12/how-to-create-custom-macros-in-twine.html\ntry {\n version.extensions['screenShakeMacro'] = {\n major: 1,\n minor: 0,\n revision: 0\n };\n macros['screenShake'] = {\n handler: function (place, macroName, params, parser) {\n var time = parseInt(params[0]);\n if (typeof time !== 'number') {\n time = 1000;\n }\n \n var el = document.body;\n// var el = document.getElementById("passages");\n var baz = el;\n console.log(baz[0]);\n document.body.className = 'shake';\n if (time > 0){\n setTimeout(function(){document.body.className='';},time);\n };\n \n // we're overriding the fade function. It behaves as usual except it runs screenShake() if time >= 0.\n fade = function (el, options) {\n var current;\n var proxy = el.cloneNode(true);\n var direction = (options.fade == 'in') ? 1 : -1;\n\n el.parentNode.replaceChild(proxy, el);\n\n if (options.fade == 'in') {\n current = 0;\n proxy.style.visibility = 'visible';\n } else current = 1;\n\n setOpacity(proxy, current);\n var interval = window.setInterval(tick, 25);\n\n function tick() {\n current += 0.05 * direction;\n\n setOpacity(proxy, Math.easeInOut(current));\n\n if (((direction == 1) && (current >= 1)) || ((direction == -1) && (current <= 0))) {\n console.log('swapping fader proxy out');\n el.style.visibility = (options.fade == 'in') ? 'visible' : 'hidden';\n proxy.parentNode.replaceChild(el, proxy);\n //proxy.style.visibility = 'hidden';\n window.clearInterval(interval);\n\n if (options.onComplete) options.onComplete();\n\n if (time >= 0) {\n time = -1;\n }\n\n }\n };\n\n function setOpacity(el, opacity) {\n var percent = Math.floor(opacity * 100);\n\n // IE\n el.style.zoom = 1;\n el.style.filter = 'alpha(opacity=' + percent + ')';\n\n // CSS 3\n el.style.opacity = opacity;\n };\n };\n },\n init: function () {},\n };\n} catch (e) {\n throwError(place, "screenShake Setup Error: " + e.message);\n}

><<fwd>> [[==>|Dead0.]]

You are walking.\n\nYou weren't aware of this before, but somehow you realize you've been walking for a very long time.\n\n><<fwd>> [[==>|Death2]]

No, it has a grey face. A troll.\n\nYou don't know how you thought otherwise.\n\n><<fwd>> [[==>|Death6]]

You continue walking, but now the centre approaches more quickly. Distance and yardage are behaving strangely, or perhaps the path itself is pulling you in. \n\n><<fwd>> [[==>|Death7]]

You are sure you haven't seen this troll before, but...\n\nCallie?\n\nShe blinks at you.\n\njane?\n\nAnd her smile unhinges her face.\n\n> [[The end.][$NumTimesEnded++]]

You walk through darkness, but the path under your feet is bright. As if you're stumbling through a place perfectly well lit -- except so empty that the light has nothing to touch but the path and yourself.\n\n><<fwd>> [[==>|Death3]]

Your hands are free of red markings. Your shoes are brown and beige.\n\n><<fwd>> [[Remember.]]

The troll Empress's head is at your feet. Her eyes are gold and fuchsia, and her mouth gapes in fishy surprise at the high, purple-bricked, cathedral ceiling. Ribbons celebrating you and your session still predominate as decoration.\n\nYou remove the band from her forehead. It had allowed her to use the powers of her extinct people as her own.\n\n><<fwd>> [[==>|Janey, o my gosh]]

You know you don't have a choice.\n\nRoxy is nominally faster than you, and her Rogue of Void abilities should let her escape you, but perhaps she is shocked at your betrayal. Or perhaps she has wasted too much potential training time on one trick.\n\nYou ponder the variable as her blood slides down your trident and runs over your hands. \n\nIt matches your sleeves.\n\n><<fwd>> <<click "Take your place at Her Imperious Condescension's side.">><<goto "Take your place at Her Imperious Condescensions side.">><<set $NumBadClicks = 0>><</click>>\n> <<fwd>> <<click "Scream.">><<remove "#end1">><</click>> \n> <<fwd>> <<click "Cry.">><<remove "#end2">><</click>> \n> <<fwd>> <<click "Bring Roxy back to life.">><<remove "#end3">><</click>>

When the door is opened, you see Roxy sitting in a pile of green cubes. She gives you a sloppy, ironic salute.\n\n<<if ($JohnAppears is 3)>><<display "JohnRoxy">>\n\n<<endif>>hey thar evil jane \n\nu goin to threaten to kill me 2?\n\n><<fwd>> <<click "Yes.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<if ($JohnAppears is 3) and ($JohnType is 2)>><<click "No.">><<noping>><</click>><<else>>[[No.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]<<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "I'm here to rescue you.">><<okBrain>><</click>>

<<screenShake 0>>\n<<setback>>\n<<loopsound "buzzer-long.mp3">>\n\njaney, hold on! jane, i got u\n\n(It's Roxy, emerging from a pile of treasure chests.)\n\nNo! I can't take it off!\n\nhold on!!!\n\nStay away! I don't want to hurt you--\n\n><<fwd>> <<click "Hold on." "Hold on.">><<stopsound "buzzer-long.mp3">><</click>>\n\n

lets go give the eggy thing to the trolls and make em sooo glad\n\nNo. I won't be doing that.\n\nwtf? why not?\n\n><<fwd>> [[==>|plan was good]]

Your name is Jane Crocker.\n<<set $NumBadClicks = 0>>\nYou won't waste time introducing yourself, but if someone was curious about you and happened to ask around, there are a variety of phrases they might hear. \n\n<<if ($FirstChoiceMade is 0)>>You have been known as a [[Maid of Life][$FriendPoints += 1; $FirstChoiceMade = 1]], a [[supreme being of pure logic][$LogicPoints += 1; $FirstChoiceMade = 1]], a [[shrewd and ruthless businesswoman][$LogicPoints += 1; $FirstChoiceMade = 1]], and a [[silly, pathetic little girl][$FirstChoiceMade = 1]].<<else>><<if ($LogicPoints is 0) and ($FriendPoints is 0)>>You have been known as a Maid of Life, a supreme being of pure logic, a shrewd and ruthless businesswoman, and a [[silly, pathetic little girl]].<<else>><<if ($LogicPoints is 1) and ($FriendPoints is 0)>>You have been known as a Maid of Life, a [[supreme being of pure logic]], a [[shrewd and ruthless businesswoman]], and a silly, pathetic little girl.<<else>>You have been known as a [[Maid of Life]], a supreme being of pure logic, a shrewd and ruthless businesswoman, and a silly, pathetic little girl.<<endif>><<endif>><<endif>>\n\nLike anyone, you have a collection of hobbies and interests, including practical jokes, baking, <<if ($LogicPoints is 0)>>listening to boys whine about their love interests, <<endif>>solving puzzles, <<if ($LogicPoints is 0)>>playing games with your friends, <<endif>>watching the drama of hostile takeovers, submitting, consuming, obeying, and complying.\n\nRight now, however, your only interest is serving Her Imperious Condescension in her plans. She has delegated two tasks requiring your immediate action.\n\nThe first is a visit to your friend Roxy Lalonde, who has been unforthcoming with her matriorb existence project. \n\nThe second is to team up with Jade Harley to investigate the underground correspondence ring that has emerged after your boss and glorious leader exiled the entire Dersite mail system.\n\nWhat will you do next?\n\n><<fwd>> [[Pay Roxy a visit.][$RoxyPlayed = 1;$NumBadClicks = 0]]\n><<fwd>> [[Investigate a crime.][$CrimePlayed = 1;$NumBadClicks = 0]]\n><<fwd>> <<click "Don't lift a single eyelid to help that alien fish bitch.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n\n

jquery:on\nhash:off\nbookmark:on\nmodernizr:off\nundo:off\nobfuscate:off\nexitprompt:off\nblankcss:on\n

What is it?\n\nwe are wasting time on this one. i just missed our main suspect at the last few drop points, but no one visited this one in days!\n\nPerpetrator. A suspect has been granted the benefit of our doubt. I have no doubt, and neither should you.\n\nfine, whatever. but we should go on to the next post before we miss "the perpetrator" there too!\n\n.\n\n<<if ($JohnAppears is 9)>><<display "JohnCrime">>\n<<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Go on to the next hidden post.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Leave">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<if ($JohnAppears is 9) and ($JohnType is 2)>><<click "Move the red ribbon.">><<noping>><</click>><<else>>[[Move the red ribbon.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]<<endif>>

<<if ($JohnAppears is 8)>><<display "JohnCrime">>\n\n<<endif>>The pole is your height and two feet in diameter, making it more of a post than a pole, really. It's made of purple stone.\n\nOn one side, there is a small door with two hinges. There is a red ribbon tied around the lower hinge, and this hangs limply in the quiet air. \n\nYou open the door -- the hollow inside is empty.\n\nBehind you, Jade growls in frustration. You respond.\n\n><<fwd>> <<if ($JohnAppears is 8) and ($JohnType is 2)>><<click "What is it?">><<noping>><</click>><<else>>[[What is it?][$NumBadClicks = 0]]<<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Shut up.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Let's get out of here.">><<okBrain>><</click>>

The idea of your father's disloyalty fills you with illogical rage. You tear through the envelopes. The Postal Maverick winces at their ripping paper screams.\n\nYou read the correspondence.\n\nThank you thank you for your advice!! I have decided to go with a purple tie for this evening's outing, since I heard the restaurant will have purple decoration!! Luckily all my ties are purple!!\n\nYES I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE ONLY TWO FEET BUT WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH MY FAILURE TO FIND GROUPS OF THREE SHOES FOR PURCHASE? I HAVE ONLY BEEN OFFERED TWO OR FOUR SHOES. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE AS THREE IS MY FAVOURITE NUMBER.\n\nkind sir, i am duly chastened by your words, and fully apologize for any disgust or discomfort i have caused you. i promise it was never my intent to use neatly pressed grey slacks as a head covering. i only wished to solidify my understanding of the true nature of hats, and used the slacks as a hypothetical clothing item that is not generally referred to as a hat when not on a head, where i once again assure you it will never be. i do not even own any slacks.\n\nYou run your most advanced cryptography programs over the letters and reach a final conclusion:\n\nThis is all pointless hat chat.\n\n<<if ($JohnAppears is 12)>><<display "JohnCrime">>\n<<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<if ($JohnAppears is 12) and ($JohnType is 2)>><<click "Confiscate letters.">><<noping>><</click>><<else>>[[Confiscate letters.][$NumBadClicks = 0;$CrimeChoiceMade = 1]]<<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Add your own letter telling your father you're okay, more or less.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<if ($CrimeChoiceMade is 0)>><<if ($JohnAppears is 12) and ($JohnType is 2)>><<click "Allow letters to go through.">><<replace "#option2">>NOPE!<</replace>><</click>><<else>>[[Allow letters to go through.|Allow letters to go through][$NumBadClicks = 0]]<<endif>><<else>><<click "Allow letters to go through.">><<okBrain>><</click>><<endif>>

Roxy lowers herself in a bow.\n\nYour Highness.\n\n.\n\nYou step over the Condesce's sprawled, pink smeared legs, and you take your throne.\n\n> [[The end.][$NumTimesEnded++]]

The Condesce's plan was sound, except for the detail of who was in change. Her management style was outdated and proven to fail; the Empire needs a leader who is strong, decisive, and logical. Luckily for us all, I'm ready to claim my inheritance.\n\nThe new troll race will flourish. But it will flourish under human control.\n\nWhich is to say, my control.\n\nno way \n\nthats no better than us human ppl being slaves to them! \n\ni cant let you do it\n\n><<fwd>> [[Yes, she can.]]

The mind control is too strong, and while you're fighting to abscond, the Condesce slices through your heart.\n\nIn your last moments of consciousness, you watch your white life symbol wash away in blood.\n\n><<fwd>> [[==>|Dead.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]

\n\n\nEnter name.\n\n><<fwd>> [[You know who you are.]]

ARRRRGH!\n\nDespite the pressure on your thoughts, you manage to tear your trident away from Roxy's throat.\n\nthank u, she mouths, but the shooting pains in your skull prevent you from answering.\n\nthe fuck you think yer doin gurl\n\n><<fwd>> [[Aim trident at Her Imperious Condescension.]]\n

When you are eight years old, you are invited to a special VIP tour of a Betty Crocker factory. Your dad has one of your hands wrapped in his palm, and you're led along high catwalks. The entire process is laid out before your excited stare: employees in white or black protective faceplates patrolling towers of flour and sugar; mixing bowls as large as your house; a robotic mixing spoon the many many times giant twin of your own.\n\nOnce all the ingredients are prepared, they're put into boxes, sealed, and loaded onto packing crates. \n\nAt the end, the Production Overseer - a short, silent man in a black protection suit - leads you upstairs to where the Betty Crocker Corporation's high level managers are gathered in a boardroom. \n\nThe woman leading the meeting gestures you in. Her face moves unexpectedly when she smiles: Botox, you diagnose, and you decide with a child's confidence that you'll never resort to such gimmickry.\n\nWhen she talks, nails grate down your spine. This is not the corporate voice that you were expecting.\n\nhey gurl look at you \n\nstill just a teeny minnow\n\nwell ya looked at how we do business. whatcha think\n\nVery coordinated and efficient.\n\nYou answer with careful, practiced words, but then you think back to what you've seen that day.\n\nHowever, there was one worker who packed the cake boxes on their crates upside down.\n\nsay what!? i cant trust those shell heads w any fin\n\nShe snarls and shouts a few words into the receiver of a pink, lumpy phone. Within a minute, the boardroom door opens and a huge, looming [[figure]] drags in a panicked looking one half its size.\n\nissat the guy\n\nYou study the worker thoughtfully. It seems like it must be the same one, although it's hard to be sure with the mask on. \n\nI think so...?\n\nYou swallow, and try again with the confidence a heiress should have. \n\nYes. That's... them.\n\nNow what?\n\nnow you get rid of this fuck up obv\n\nThe smaller figure's mask somehow twists in horror. It seems like a small reason to fire an employee when you could just remind them which way the boxes are supposed to go, but it's only a job. And besides, this is your first assignment for the Betty Crocker Corporation. You want to do it right. \n\nMr... or Ms... ah?\n\nYou pause expectantly, but your employee doesn't answer. You shrug to yourself and go on. \n\nI'm afraid there's no longer a place for you at Crocker Corp. Sorry! \n\nYou add the apology because empathy is important.\n\nyou heard the guppy. get im outta here\n\nThe ex-employee is herded out of the room. Their mask is a... well. A mask of dejection. You feel sorry, but you tell yourself that firing people is an unfortunate but necessary job to make sure that bad apples don't run the company off course.\n\nThe woman in charge looks at you with something like pride - an emotion a chef or a baker might aim at a pile of well made goods, before biting into the first, still cooling chocolate chip cookie.\n\nyou always was the one w talent. hey to da rest o you pasty monkey asses. get yer fin'gers togetha for your heiress.\n\nThey applaud you obediently.\n\nYou beam, too-toothy smile and all.\n\n><<fwd>> [[You know who you are.]]

odditycollector

You've spent so many years adorned in your Betty Crocker Thoughtwave Tiaratop that when it suddenly appears in place around your temples, the weight feels right, not wrong, like you've regained a part of yourself you've been missing during the months of playing Sburb.\n\nThe pain is new, but of course, the tiaratop is interfacing more deeply with your brain than it ever had before. It scours your thoughts like steel wool against a burned baking pan.\n\nAnd just as the pan, your mind becomes clean, sharp, useful. This is not like trickster mode, where your aspirations and purpose are lost behind a veil of fuzzy thinking and useless emotions. Now that every distraction has been put aside, you are more yourself than you have ever been.\n\nBeside you, Jake gapes openly - a slow minded boy still struggling to realize that things have changed. It seems impossible that you ever cried over him. \n\nYou are in full control, and it is time to work for the glory of the Empire you've been promised. As you've been preparing to do your entire life.\n\n><<fwd>> [[You know who you are.]]

You think you'd... rather not.\n\nJust yet.\n\nIn the distance, the path curves on itself in a giant spiral.\n\nA strange figure waits in the centre. It turns to you with a green face.\n\n><<fwd>> [[==>|Death5]]

It may have been a joke.\n\nBut I'm not here to pull pranks like in our old days of being bffsies. I'm going to explain our plans to you.\n\nuh yeah \n\nevil dog jade already did that part\n\n<<if ($JohnAppears is 5)>><<display "JohnRoxy">>\n\n<<endif>>Jade grew up on an island and -- though I acknowledge our bond of genetics and coworker camaraderie -- her comprehension of corporate goals is simplistic. She never participated in capitalistic endeavour, even as a passive consumer.\n\nohhhh no.... is this another capitalism is good for u lecture? i was hopin those were over after you admitted Betty Crocker was an genocidal fish dicktastor\n\n*tator\n\nCapitalism is a metaphor for transfer and leverage of power.\n\nObviously, with the destruction of our home universe, there is no longer a standard currency beyond the infinitely devalued bookbuck. However, in exchange for my service to the Empress, I have been given unparallelled---\n\nnoooope...\n\nnope nope. nup. \n\ni am not even having this talk ever with not-sucky jane \n\nnope\n\nAs you wish. But have you considered the end result of our plan?\n\ni kno ok. jade has spoilered all the endings\n\nno matriorb means no doomed race of troll slaves\n\nRoxy pulls a cube out of nowhere, and tosses it into the green pile. She gives you a shrug and a smirk.\n\nno matriorb\n\nYou suppress a sigh at her willful denseness.\n\nWe are surrounded by Sburb's ectomachines. Her Imperious Condescension has been using troll biotech and human electronic technology for thousands of years. She created the mechanical drones that gave you such trouble on Earth, as well as both my tiaratop, and her own that channels the vast power of her dead race. \n\nThere is an approximately 0.00000000000% chance that she won't be able to figure out another way to revive her race, though it will likely be far more unpleasant for all of us.\n\nhuh. ok so why should I bother at all\n\n><<fwd>> <<click "Otherwise Jade will destroy you.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "For the sake of the troll species.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<if ($JohnAppears is 5) and ($JohnType is 2)>><<click "For the sake of the human species.">><<noping>><</click>><<else>>[[For the sake of the human species.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]<<endif>>

<<set $NumTimesEnded = 0>>\n<<set $CrimePlayed = 0>><<set $RoxyPlayed = 0>><<set $LogicPoints = 0>><<set $FriendPoints = 0>><<set $FirstChoiceMade = 0>><<set $RoxyChoiceMade = 0>><<set $CrimeChoiceMade = 0>><<set $EndChoiceMade = 0>>\n<<set $JohnAppears = 0>><<set $JohnType = 0>><<set $NumBadClicks = 0>>\nEnter name.\n\n><<fwd>> [[You know who you are.]]

The Condesce props herself with one hip on the side of her throne. She's touching Roxy's shoulder with one deceptively casual hand, and balancing the new Matriorb in her other. \n\nShe stares in the orb with wide-grinned glee.\n\nfinly i been waitin foreva on this\n\ncome 2 me jane\n\n><<fwd>> [[Go to her.|Come here.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]\n><<fwd>> <<click "Run away.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Grab Roxy first, then run away.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n

You pass by the turnoffs to the other prisoners without hesitation. You have no more need of Jake until more variables in your boss' plans are settled, and you haven't had a truly compelling reason to visit your father since he was taken.\n\n<<if ($JohnAppears is 1)>><<display "JohnRoxy">>\n\n<<endif>>The corridor remains narrow and purple: an unbroken line of cells, doors, bars. \n\nYou soon approach the cell currently occupied by Roxy Lalonde. This is your first visit since you took position as the Condesce's red right hand. Roxy has never been a fan of CrockerCorp, and this promises to be an awkward conversation.\n\n><<fwd>> <<if ($JohnAppears is 1) and ($JohnType is 2)>><<click "Open door to Roxy's cell.">><<noping>><</click>><<else>><<click "Open door to Roxy's cell." "Open door to Roxys cell.">><<set $NumBadClicks = 0>><</click>><<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Pull door from hinges.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Continue walking down the corridor.">><<okBrain>><</click>>

You return the letters to their envelopes, more or less, and put them back in the satchel. You pass the collection to Jade, who takes hold of it and your criminal quarry. \n\nBring her to the jail processing centre, and see that these letters make it to their destination.\n\nwhat?? why would i do that?\n\nIf the other culprits realize they've been discovered, they may find a new method of shuffling correspondence. Let them assume that this line of subversive communications remains open. That way we'll be able to list the dangerous members of society.\n\nIt will save us a second investigation.\n\noh. that makes sense.\n\nThe Postal Maverick slumps even further in Jade's hand.\n\nOf course it does.\n\nyes, good job, you are still a paragon of logic.\n\nIt was fun playing detective though! :D\n\nAgreed.\n\nJade vanishes into green.\n\n<<if ($RoxyPlayed is 0)>><<display "Crime to Roxy">><<else>><<display "Crime to End">><<endif>>\n

A wind picks up in the alley.\n\nJade glares around, ears flicking, low growl in her throat.\n\nwhat are you doing<<if ($JohnAppears is 11) or ($JohnAppears is 12)>> to that carapace<<endif>>? i bet it's something evil.\n\nwell, i am not going to let you!\n\n.\n\nYou threaten John Egbert with your trident; he turns into wind before you can land a stabbing.\n\nuggh. are you sick of this yet, jane? because i am getting pretty fed up.\n\nVanished again, Egbert is out of your reach, but he seems to be no threat to your plans. You return to your assignment.

A wind picks up in the alley.\n\n<<if ($JohnAppears > 8 )>>The red ribbon lifts and flips over itself. <<endif>>Jade glares around, ears flicking, low growl in her throat.\n\nA flickering blue blur forms above the post. You immediately throw your trident in its direction.\n\nIn the instant of John Egbert's emergence, he shouts - whoops! - and flashes back into air.\n\nWith outstretched hands, Jade dives through the space he just vacated. She misses her brother, although she snatches your weapon in midair and returns it to you.\n\ngrrrr. next time, his immaterial blue ass is mine!! D:< \n\n.\n\ngrrrrr..... \n\nShe rubs her hands over her face.\n\ndont worry, i am under control. im just ready to take him down. so ready.\n\n<<if ($JohnAppears is 11) or ($JohnAppears is 12)>>and now our postal maverick is escaping. sigh!!\n\nJade raises her hand, and the carapace is dumped back to the alley in a blaze of green static.<<else>>where were we on the mail problem?<<endif>>\n

You bring Roxy to see the Empress. It's an awkward walk, up and down the jail halls, or it would be if you still cared about awkwardness.\n\nAt the throneroom, you stop just inside the doorway and bow. Roxy remains upright.\n\ngit ova here gurl\n\nshow me what ya got\n\nShe's indicating Roxy, so you wait while Roxy approaches and, hesitantly, hands over the matriorb.\n\n><<fwd>> [[==>|Go to throne room.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]

<<if ($JohnAppears is 2)>><<display "JohnRoxy">>\n\n<<endif>>You open the door slowly, so that Roxy won't be surprised at your entry.\n\nUnlike Jake, who would have lacked the capacity to understand your ambitions no matter how you approached him, frightening Roxy might make her less likely to cooperate.\n\nAfter all, Jade has spent many visits threatening her, and Roxy has still yet to produce anything from the Void but perfectly generic objects. Your boss was right to send you, a friend, with enough experiential data to predict Roxy's responses.\n\n><<fwd>> <<if ($JohnAppears is 2) and ($JohnType is 2)>><<click "Walk inside.">><<noping>><</click>><<else>>[[Walk inside.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]<<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Hold the door open for Roxy to escape.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Close the door again, rather than face your friend in these circumstances.">><<okBrain>><</click>>

Roxy is silent for endless seconds.\n\nk\n\nill try it\n\n><<fwd>> <<if ($CrimePlayed is 1)>>[[==>|Roxy succeeds]]<<else>>[[==>|Roxy fails.]]<<endif>>

><<fwd>> <<if ($NumTimesEnded > 0)>>[[Play again?|Enter Name.][$CrimePlayed = 0; $RoxyPlayed = 0; $LogicPoints = 0;$FriendPoints = 0;$FirstChoiceMade = 0;$RoxyChoiceMade = 0;$CrimeChoiceMade = 0;$EndChoiceMade = 0;$NumBadClicks = 0;$JohnAppears = random(1,18);$JohnType = random(1,3)]]<<else>>[[Play again?|Enter Name.][$CrimePlayed = 0; $RoxyPlayed = 0; $LogicPoints = 0;$FriendPoints = 0;$FirstChoiceMade = 0;$RoxyChoiceMade = 0;$CrimeChoiceMade = 0;$EndChoiceMade = 0;$NumBadClicks = 0]]<<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <html><a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/3190745?show_comments=true#comments">Exit.</a></html>

You fly out of the palace and head down towards the dark Dersite streets.\n\nThese are not your streets, not your dark and vicious shadows. But you will claim their secrets.\n\nWithin the depths of one twisted purple alleyway, you spy your partner. She appears to be sniffing a pole.\n\n><<fwd>> [[Greet Jade.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]\n><<fwd>> <<click "Spear Jade.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Keep flying until you've one day, somehow, escaped The Condesce's control.">><<okBrain>><</click>>

<<set $RoxyChoiceMade = 1>><<set $choice1 = "You don't want Roxy to feel worse than she has to.">><<set $choice2 = "If Roxy is worried about them she will not give her full focus to her assigned task.">>\n\nWhy?\n\n><<fwd>> <<click $choice1>><<set $FriendPoints += 1>><<set $NumBadClicks = 0>><<playsound "buzzer.mp3">><<screenShake 800>><<setback>><<timedgoto "For the sake of the human species." .8s>><<varClear>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> [[If Roxy is worried about them she will not give her full focus to her assigned task.|If Roxy is worried][$LogicPoints += 1;$NumBadClicks = 0]]\n

These letters are all addressed to your father.\n\n><<fwd>> [[==>|The idea of your fathers disloyalty][$NumBadClicks = 0]]

While your new boss did toss you a dog whistle, possibly as a joke, you don't see any utility in antagonizing your partner.\n\nNow.\n\nJade hears your shout. She doesn't bound from the side alley, but instantly teleports behind the carapace.\n\nbark! bark! bark!\n\ngrrrrr.\n\nThe surprised carapace turns. Her shaking hands emerge from her ragged clothes, but they don't hold a weapon. She's a well trained post worker - her unsteady fingers offer Jade a doggy treat.\n\nYou land heavily on the street beside them.\n\nSubmit.\n\nThe Postal Maverick puts her hands up and drops the treat. Jade's ears flick towards it, but she doesn't go after it. She doesn't stop growling either.\n\n><<fwd>> <<click "Read PM her rights.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Beg PM to help you.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> [[Get PM to turn stoolie on her accomplices.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]

<<set $CrimeChoiceMade = 1>><<set $choice1 = "Your dad must be lonely in his cell.">><<set $choice2 = "The other parcel culprits won't know they've been discovered.">>\n\nWhy?\n\n><<fwd>> <<click $choice1>><<set $FriendPoints += 1>><<set $NumBadClicks = 0>><<playsound "buzzer.mp3" >><<screenShake 800>><<setback>><<timedgoto "The idea of your fathers disloyalty" .8s>><<varClear>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> [[The other parcel culprits won't know they've been discovered.][$LogicPoints += 1;$NumBadClicks = 0]]

\n<<widget "okBrain">><<stopsound "buzzer.mp3">><<playsound "buzzer.mp3" >><<screenShake 800>><<setback>><<set $NumBadClicks++>><<if ($NumBadClicks < 6)>><<else>><<set $NumBadClicks = 0>><<timedgoto "You have died." .8s>><<endif>><</widget>>\n\n<<widget "endBrain">><<stopsound "buzzer.mp3">><<playsound "buzzer.mp3" >><<screenShake 800>><<setback>><<set $NumBadClicks++>><<if ($NumBadClicks < 6)>><<else>><<set $NumBadClicks = 0>><<timedgoto "Really Dont Kill Roxy" .8s>><<endif>><</widget>>\n\n<<widget "lastBrain">><<stopsound "buzzer.mp3">><<playsound "buzzer.mp3" >><<screenShake 800>><<setback>><<set $NumBadClicks++>><<if ($NumBadClicks < 2)>><<else>><<set $NumBadClicks = 0>><<timedgoto "Dont take off tiara." .8s>><<endif>><</widget>>\n\n<<widget "noping">><<replace "#option">>NOPE!<</replace>><</widget>>\n\n<<widget "fwd">>> <</widget>>\n\n//don't doubleclick delayed variable setter links\n//assume choice1 and choice2 are set in passage\n<<widget "varClear">><<replace "#op1">><<click $choice1>><</click>><</replace>><<replace "#op2">><<click $choice2>><</click>><</replace>><</widget>>\n\n//go back to ao3 in sametab - doesn't work\n<<widget "exit">><script>window.open("google.com","_self")</script><</widget>>

A wind picks up in the alley.\n\nYou raise your trident, anticipating John Egbert's arrival, but he darts away before you throw.\n\nwait!\n\nHe puts a hand up, which is to say, down, as he's currently in the middle of an inverse arial loop.\n\nyou know you're not going to spear me, and i am not going to interfere this time. \n\nWhy?\n\nbecause i will mess everything up worse, trust me. just do whatever terrible thing you were going to do if i wasn't here.\n\nJade lunges for him, and he bobs up.\n\narggh! aren't you tired of this yet?\n\nyes! so stay fucking still already!!!\n\nJade lunges again. This time John vanishes entirely.\n\nHe brings nothing but pointless distractions. You decide to take his advice and pretend he had never been there.

<<if ($JohnAppears is 10)>><<display "JohnCrime">>\n\n<<endif>>You ignore Jade's suggestion, and instead unwrap the red ribbon from the bottom hinge. You tie it to the top hinge, and then you shut the door.\n\ngreat. that is just great, jane. i am sure there is a completely logical explanation for what you just did, and it has nothing to do with wasting more time with nonsense that has nothing to do with the quest.\n\nYou're tracking where the illegitimate mail carrier has already been. If this is the next stop on the route, it will be more efficient to lure them here. \n\nWhen Earth existed, raising the flag on an mailbox meant there was mail waiting to be picked up. I expect that the same principle applies to this contraption.\n\nare you sure it doesnt mean the mail has just been delivered?\n\nYes.\n\nhmm. but what i heard--\n\nJade's ears suddenly flatten. She looks into the distance, sniffs, and growls.\n\n><<fwd>> <<if ($JohnAppears is 10) and ($JohnType is 2)>><<click "Hide.">><<noping>><</click>><<else>>[[Hide.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]<<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Run away.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Shout a warning to whomever's approaching.">><<okBrain>><</click>>

You can't tell if they are men or women. They are both wearing the black-plated protection gear that all CrockerCorp's factory workers wear. \n\nYou laugh to remember how much it had frightened you when you were younger than eight and silly enough to think there were no human faces behind the black casing.\n\n><<fwd>> [[back|shrewd and ruthless businesswoman]]

Of course we do.\n\nWhile I will not deny the harshness of the Empire's methods, there have been zero human casualties since the Condesce made her move in this sphere.\n\nu mean other than the billions and billllions of earth humans she killed horribly rite?\n\n.\n\nw/e\n\ni know you've got poor jakey stashed somewhere, but wheres Dirk? i was counting on him to blow up the planet by now\n\nDirk is otherwise occupied.\n\nidk something about that vague and fishy statmnet seems vague and fishy\n\nMy story is vague and involves fishy royalty, but don't mistake that for untruth. \n\nIt was trivial to obtain the sympathies of Dirk's old AutoResponder -- or the offputting monstrosity it has become. We have put him in charge of Dirk's containment.\n\n:(\n\nWhut about my teenage mom?\n\nShe's fulfilling her purpose for us as a Seer of Light, as I'm confident you will as a Rogue of Void.\n\n><<fwd>> <<click "Offer more information.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Offer to bring Roxy to see her teenage mom.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> [[Tell Roxy to get to work.|.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]

The Condesce's mental command is too strong to resist completely, but you manage to lift your weapon to block her thrust. The force of her throw buries her trident in the floor... and yours in her chest.\n\nShe pulls herself off the tines, and streams of blood paint new tyrian strips over her clothes. She looks at you through eyes red with anger.\n\nimma tear off yer FAC-E\n\nAnger - like all emotion - is a distraction. She's focused on destroying you, not controlling you.\n\nYou swing your trident around and knock the round end into her skull with every ounce of godtier and technology enhanced Crocker mangrit you can muster.\n\nThe Condesce's head hits the floor.\n\nAnd only then do her knees buckle.\n\n><<fwd>> <<if ($LogicPoints >= $FriendPoints)>>[[Take off tiara.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]<<else>><<click "Take off tiara.">><<lastBrain>><</click>><<endif>>

This is the first Sburb puzzle all four of you are solving together, and it was going quite well until the skeletons were let loose in Dirk's segment.\n\nHe's holding them off for the moment, but they're nearly impossible to kill even with an unbreakable anime sword. Dirk can't boast the same.\n\nim coming down to help\n\nDon't! Not unless you want to flood the rest of us with those awful things.\n\nListen to Jane. If anyone lets go of their lever, another one of us gets bony abominations dumped on their head.\n\nI AM dreadfully sorry about that old chaps.\n\nYou couldn't have known.\n\nWhich is true, so you quash the unfair feeling that yes, Jake really could have.\n\nYou do a bit of figuring about the current situation, and reach a conclusion.\n\nIt should be me.\n\nNo one comes down!\n\nYou take out your trident and jam the lever closed. You take a cautious step back -- no one reports any new skeleton monsters.\n\nuh jane?? maybe you shouldn't leave your best weapom behind if ur really determined 2 go monster hunting js\n\nBut I'm not.\n\nYou take out a small helium balloon, and use it to drift safely to Dirk's level. He's shouting at you, in between contorting in difficult poses to fight monsters and keep his own lever shut.\n\nGet ready! I'm going to activate our combined fraymotif.\n\nWhat?\n\nThis is what it's for!\n\nYou and Dirk are the only ones with a fraymotif of any sort. You've found hints that you should be able to purchase other cool new battle techniques, but even if there was someone in the game alive to purchase them from -- a kindly, non-skeletal merchant in a small village booth perhaps -- your group's combined boondollar reserves would have the NPC laugh you out of the storefront.\n\nIronically, yours was the reward for a sidequest Roxy and Jake completed alone.\n\nYou land behind Dirk and prepare to activate your part. Dirk gives you a flat glare, but he completes the move.\n\nThe game itself seems to sing Medically Inadvisable Defibrillation! as the shockwave travels outward.\n\nBone monsters smash into the far wall. You aren't sure that they've been killed, since they were already dead, but they won't be chasing you far with shattered legs.\n\nRoxy and Jake cheer from further up.\n\nhey maybe this time me & jakey will get the prize\n\n><<fwd>> [[You know who you are.]]

version.extensions.timedgotoMacro={\n\tmajor:1,minor:1,revision:1 /*SugarCube version*/\n};\nmacros["goto"]=macros["timedgoto"]={\n\ttimer:null,handler:function(a,b,c,d){\n\t\tfunction cssTimeUnit(s){\n\t\t\tif(typeof s=="string"){\n\t\t\t\tif(s.slice(-2).toLowerCase()=="ms"){\n\t\t\t\t\treturn Number(s.slice(0,-2))||0;\n\t\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t\telse{\n\t\t\t\t\tif(s.slice(-1).toLowerCase()=="s"){\n\t\t\t\t\t\treturn Number(s.slice(0,-1))*1000||0;\n\t\t\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\tthrowError(a,s+" isn't a CSS time unit");\n\t\t\treturn 0;\n\t\t}\n\t\tvar t,d,m,s;\n\t\tt=c[c.length-1];\n\t\td=d.fullArgs();\n\t\tm=0;\n\t\tif(b!="goto"){\n\t\t\td=d.slice(0,d.lastIndexOf(t));\n\t\t\tm=cssTimeUnit(t);\n\t\t}\n\t\td=eval(Wikifier.parse(d));\n\t\tif(d+""){\n\t\t\tif(this.timer){\n\t\t\tclearTimeout(this.timer);\n\t\t\t}\t\n\t\t\ts=state.active.title;\n\t\t\tthis.timer=setTimeout(function(){\n\t\t\t\tif(state.active.title==s){\n\t\t\t\t\tstate.display(d,a);\n\t\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t},m);\n\t\t}\n\t}\n};

i dont give a carp bout that\n\n><<fwd>> [[==>|. - throneroom2][$NumBadClicks = 0]]

A wind picks up in the jail.\n\nA flickering blue blur forms above you. <<if ($JohnAppears is 1) or ($JohnAppears is 2)>>You immediately throw your trident in its direction.\n\nIn the instant of John Egbert's emergence, he shouts - whoops! - and flashes back into air.\n\nHis brief but unpreventable appearances are irritating. At least he doesn't seem capable of having much effect on your plans. You return to what you were doing.<<else>>You immediately raise your trident in its direction.\n\nnoooooooooooooo!\n\nRoxy makes a grab for your trident. She's too far to reach it time, but you can't risk injuring her.\n\nIn the instance of John Egbert's emergence, he glances at you, shouts - whoops! - and flashes back into air.\n\nwheww\n\nRoxy sits back into her pile of perfectly generic objects. You return to what you were doing before the interruption.<<endif>>

A wind picks up in the jail.\n\n<<if ($JohnAppears is 1) or ($JohnAppears is 2)>>what are you doing? i bet it's something evil.\n\nwell, i am not going to let you!\n\n.\n\nYou threaten John Egbert with your trident; he turns into wind before you can land a stabbing.\n\nVanished again, Egbert is out of your reach, but he seems to be no threat to your plans. You return to your assignment.<<else>>what are you doing to Roxy? i bet it's something evil.\n\nwell, i am not going to let you!\n\nwooooo! go johnny!\n\n.\n\nYou threaten John Egbert with your trident; he turns into wind before you can land a stabbing.\n\nawwww\n\nVanished again, Egbert is out of your reach, but he seems to be no threat to your plans. You return to your assignment.<<endif>>

A wind picks up in the jail.\n\nYou raise your trident, anticipating John Egbert's arrival, but he darts away before you throw.\n\nwait!\n\nHe puts a hand up, which is to say, down, as he's currently in the middle of an inverse arial loop.\n\nyou know you're not going to spear me, and i am not going to interfere this time. \n\nWhy?\n\nbecause i will mess everything up worse, trust me. just do whatever terrible thing you were going to do if i wasn't here.\n\n<<if ($JohnAppears is 1) or ($JohnAppears is 2)>>The instincts you've honed as a prankster do not let you ignore him as he suggests. You study him, trying to figure out what he's planning.\n\nBut John only hovers, watching you with an unhappy expression.<<else>>yo john r you really not going to intervene if she tries 2 kill me?\n\num, no, of course i would do that but... evil nanna, maybe we can agree that you'll try not to kill roxy? and in exchange i won't have to stop you?\n\n.\n\nhoh boy u did it now \n\nshes speechlecs<<endif>>\n\nYou're just about to reach for your weapon after all, when finally he vanishes again. \n\nHe brings nothing but pointless distractions. You decide to take his advice and pretend he had never been there.

The Condesce's inventory has ejected at her death. You catalogue most of it for later examination, but you merely pick up the newly created matriorb and gaze thoughtfully at its centre.\n\nVision eightfold offers itself to you -- you may view every possibility contained within the egg.\n\njane what r u doin?\n\n><<fwd>> [[==>|Tell her.]]\n\n

What do you do next?\n\n><<fwd>> [[Pay Roxy a visit.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]\n><<fwd>> <<click "Remain where you are.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Scour the streets for more criminals to thwart.">><<okBrain>><</click>>

config.disableHistoryControls = true;\n\nstrings.saves.disallowed;

You're worried that the Condesce will enslave her people, but the idea of enslavement to a head of state makes little sense. All races have leaders, and whether you approve of her priorities has no bearing on her legitimacy.\n\nHowever, to allow humanity a decent standing in the new universe -- on equal or greater footing than the troll race -- we need to give back something in exchange for that power. \n\nSuch as the matriorb. Because of your abilities, humanity will hold the power to make more trolls or to return the orb to the void.\n\nYour species' future resides very literally in your hands, Roxy.\n\nlmoa what future \n\nwe dont even have a present\n\n<<if ($JohnAppears is 6)>><<display "JohnRoxy">>\n<<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<if ($RoxyChoiceMade is 0)>><<if ($JohnAppears is 6) and ($JohnType is 2)>><<click "Tell Roxy that Dirk and Jake are all right.">><<replace "#option2">>NOPE!<</replace>><</click>><<else>>[[Tell Roxy that Dirk and Jake are all right.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]<<endif>><<else>><<click "Tell Roxy that Dirk and Jake are all right">><<okBrain>><</click>><<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<if ($JohnAppears is 6) and ($JohnType is 2)>><<click ".">><<noping>><</click>><<else>>[[.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]<<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Decide to fight for your future.">><<okBrain>><</click>>

There is a banging behind you. Roxy emerges from an absurd tangle of treasure chests.\n\njaney o my gosh.... you made admiral fishbitch kick the bucket\n\nthe grossest trolliest bucket!\n\nwell i didnt ever NOT belive in you but\n\nu were scaring me there 4 a while\n\nYou make the adjustments necessary, and place the Empress's tiara over your own head.\n\n><<fwd>> [[==>|inventory]]

There is a compulsion built into your programming to prevent you from taking off the tiara, but it is obvious there is no utility in wearing it any longer.\n\nYou raise your hands to your temple, and you lift.\n\nThe headband slides off easily.\n\n><<fwd>> [[Put on tiara.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]

You jerk your trident free and put it away in your specibus.\n\nThe Condesce knocks Roxy's body with a boot, shrugs, and smiles back at the matriorb.\n\nYou await your next assignment.\n\n> [[The end.][$NumTimesEnded++]]

You shove the letters back in the satchel and offer it to Jade.\n\nJade takes it and grabs one of the Postal Maverick's arms. Her growls have settled down to an occasional boof.\n\nGive these to the Authority Regulators, and bring her to the jail processing centre.\n\njeeez, i know!! im distracted by dog things, but i am not stupid.\n\n.\n\nNo.\n\nJade rolls her eyes, then vanishes into green.\n\n<<if ($RoxyPlayed is 0)>><<display "Crime to Roxy">><<else>><<display "Crime to End">><<endif>>\n

I usually let my associate be the spokeswoman between us, but she's not exactly her usual self around mail carriers.\n\nI don't suppose you want to tell us who else is involved in your seedy underground mail cabal?\n\nThe carapace drops her gaze.\n\nNo, I didn't think so.\n\nBut it won't be difficult to track them down. \n\n<<if ($JohnAppears is 11)>><<display "JohnCrime">>\n<<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<if ($JohnAppears is 11) and ($JohnType is 2)>><<click "Take mail satchel.">><<noping>><</click>><<else>>[[Take mail satchel.][$NumBadClicks = 0]]<<endif>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Let her off with a warning.">><<okBrain>><</click>>\n><<fwd>> <<click "Ask her how she found the strength to resist.">><<okBrain>><</click>>

/* Your story will use the CSS in this passage to style the page.\nGive this passage more tags, and it will only affect passages with those tags.\nExample selectors: */\n\nbody {\n\t/* This affects the entire page */\n\ttransition:background-color .5s ease;\n\tbackground-color: #000;\n\t\n\t\n}\n.alarm {\n\tbackground-color: red;\n transition:background-color .1s;\n}\n\n#ui-bar {\n\tdisplay: none;\n}\n\n\n.passage {\n\t/* This only affects passages */\n\t\n\t\n}\n.passage a {\n\t/* This affects passage links */\n text-decoration: none;\t\n\t\n}\n.passage a:hover {\n\t/* This affects links while the cursor is over them */\n color: #4D6AD8;\n text-decoration: none;\n}\n\n.fakeLink {\n color: #4D6AD8;\n cursor: pointer;\n font-weight: bold;\n text-decoration: none;\n}\n\n.fwd {\n /* color: #4D6AD8; */\n font-weight: bold;\n}\n\n.menu-saves {\n\tdisplay: none;\n}\n\n.centered {\n text-align: center;\n}\n\n.italics {\n font-style: italic;\n}\n\n.right {\n text-align: right;\n}\n\n.block {\n width: 650px;\n margin-left: auto;\n margin-right: auto;\n background: #eee;\n border: 1px dashed gray;\n padding-top: 10px;\n padding-bottom: 10px;\n padding-left: 35px;\n padding-right: 35px;\n}\n\n.black,\n.pesterlog {\n font-size: 14px;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #000000;\n}\n\n.white {\n font-size: 14px;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #ffffff;\n}\n\n.white-big {\n font-size: 16px;\n line-height: 1.5;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #ffffff;\n}\n\n.evJade {\n font-size: 14px;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #aaaaaa;\n}\n\n.evJane {\n font-size: 14px;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #ff3030;\n}\n\n\n.bro,\n.dirk {\n font-size: 14px;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #f2a400;\n}\n\n\n\n.feferi,\n.meenah {\n font-size: 14px;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #D633AD;\n}\n\n\n\n.jade {\n font-size: 14px;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #4ac925;\n}\n\n.jadesprite {\n font-size: 14px;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #1f9400;\n}\n\n.jake {\n font-size: 14px;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #1f9400;\n}\n\n.jane {\n font-size: 14px;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #00d5f2;\n}\n\n\n.john {\n font-size: 14px;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #2B65EC;\n}\n\n\n\n.mom,\n.roxy {\n font-size: 14px;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #ff6ff2;\n}\n\n.nannasprite {\n font-size: 14px;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #00d5f2;\n}\n\n.rose {\n font-size: 14px;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #b536da;\n}\n\n\n.callie {\n font-size: 14px;\n font-weight: bold;\n font-family: courier, monospace;\n color: #929292;\n}\n\n

@keyframes shakeit {\n 0% { transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t10% { transform: translate(-1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n\t20% { transform: translate(-3px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n\t30% { transform: translate(0px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t40% { transform: translate(1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n\t50% { transform: translate(-1px, 2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n\t60% { transform: translate(-3px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t70% { transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(-1deg); }\n\t80% { transform: translate(-1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n\t90% { transform: translate(2px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t100% { transform: translate(1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n}\n\n@-o-keyframes shakeit {\n\t0% { -o-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t10% { -o-transform: translate(-1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n\t20% { -o-transform: translate(-3px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n\t30% { -o-transform: translate(0px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t40% { -o-transform: translate(1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n\t50% { -o-transform: translate(-1px, 2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n\t60% { -o-transform: translate(-3px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t70% { -o-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(-1deg); }\n\t80% { -o-transform: translate(-1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n\t90% { -o-transform: translate(2px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t100% { -o-transform: translate(1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n}\n\n@-webkit-keyframes shakeit {\n\t0% { -webkit-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t10% { -webkit-transform: translate(-1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n\t20% { -webkit-transform: translate(-3px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n\t30% { -webkit-transform: translate(0px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t40% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n\t50% { -webkit-transform: translate(-1px, 2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n\t60% { -webkit-transform: translate(-3px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t70% { -webkit-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(-1deg); }\n\t80% { -webkit-transform: translate(-1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n\t90% { -webkit-transform: translate(2px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t100% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n}\n\n@-moz-keyframes shakeit {\n\t0% { -moz-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t10% { -moz-transform: translate(-1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n\t20% { -moz-transform: translate(-3px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n\t30% { -moz-transform: translate(0px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t40% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n\t50% { -moz-transform: translate(-1px, 2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n\t60% { -moz-transform: translate(-3px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t70% { -moz-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(-1deg); }\n\t80% { -moz-transform: translate(-1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n\t90% { -moz-transform: translate(2px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n\t100% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n}\n\n.shake {\n\t-webkit-animation-name: shakeit;\n\t-webkit-animation-duration: 0.8s;\n\t-webkit-transform-origin:50% 50%;\n\t-webkit-animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n\t-webkit-animation-timing-function: linear;\n -moz-animation-name: shakeit;\n\t-moz-animation-duration: 0.8s;\n\t-moz-transform-origin:50% 50%;\n\t-moz-animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n\t-moz-animation-timing-function: linear;\n -o-animation-name: shakeit;\n\t-o-animation-duration: 0.8s;\n\t-o-transform-origin:50% 50%;\n\t-o-animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n\t-o-animation-timing-function: linear;\n animation-name: shakeit;\n\tanimation-duration: 0.8s;\n\ttransform-origin:50% 50%;\n\tanimation-iteration-count: infinite;\n\tanimation-timing-function: linear;\n}

<<if ($JohnType is 1)>><<display "JohnCrime1">><<endif>><<if ($JohnType is 2)>><<display "JohnCrime2">><<endif>><<if ($JohnType is 3)>><<display "JohnCrime3">><<endif>>

Her Imperious Condescension shut down the postal service in favour of the centralized broadcast system: Her to them, them to just listen.\n\nAfter the hat chat experiment fizzled out, electronic messaging was stopped as well.\n\nthem shell assed dummies aint got nothin interesting enough to spy on\n\n><<fwd>> [[Hide.]]